治疗师库尔特•史密斯认为,这么问只会将你的另一半置于无所适从的双输境地.
"Most men have already identified the pretty women in the room; if he's trying to respect you then he should be already trying not to look, so you pointing her out will only make him more self-conscious, uncomfortable and unsure of what to do to not upset you or hurt your feelings," he said.
史密斯说："谁是这屋子里的漂亮女人,丈夫们大多心中有数；但为了表示对妻子的尊重,他们会尽量不去看这些漂亮女人.如果妻子非要指着某一位询问丈夫的看法,只会让他变得更加局促不安、心神不定,不知道如何做才能不让你失望,不伤害你的感情."
4. "We need to talk."
4．"我想我们该好好谈谈了."
No four words strike fear into a married man's heart quite like "we need to talk." Opt for something less ominous sounding the next time you bring up an issue, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a therapist and author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted.
没有什么话比"我想我们该好好谈谈了"这句更令丈夫们心惊胆战的了.下次谈话的时候还是选一个更加吉利的开头吧,著有《婚姻会议使爱情持久：每周30分钟,给你想要的爱情》一书的治疗专家玛西亚•内奥米•伯格如是说道.
"The phrase 'we need to talk' is often a signal that the wife has complaints or criticism about the husband," she said. "He assumes he somehow failed you and withdraws, creating a disconnect, which is the exact opposite of what you were trying to accomplish."
她表示："当妻子说出'我想我们该好好谈谈了',意味着她对丈夫有了诸多抱怨与意见.丈夫会猜测他可能哪里得罪了妻子,于是消极对待,主动失联,让妻子根本没办法和他谈下去."
5. "Man up."
5．"能不能有点男人样."
Seriously? There's no right or wrong way to be a man. For your spouse's sake, let your gender expectations go and try to have a civil conversation.
开玩笑,像不像个男人根本没有确切的标准.为了你和丈夫之间的感情,你最好还是放下有关性别的言论,换用其他更为礼貌的话语.
"Telling your spouse to 'man up' is a brutal attack on his core identity," Howes said. "It's a statement loaded with contempt and shame and could create relationship damage that will be difficult to heal."
豪斯说："对你的丈夫说'能不能有点男人样'是对他男性身份的强烈冲击.这句话满含蔑视与羞辱,会对你们之间的感情造成难以弥补的伤害."
6. "Pick up after yourself. I'm not your mother."
6．"就不会自己收拾收拾？我又不是你妈."
There are better ways to encourage your spouse to put his dirty socks in the hamper than telling him you're tired of feeling like his mom.
与其向丈夫抱怨自己为他操碎了心,不如直接让他自己把脏袜子放进洗衣篮里.
