恋爱关系中最致命的10句话
The 10 Most Deadly Phrases In A Relationship
When you're married or in a long-term relationship, some things are better left unsaid.
结婚以后,或者处在长期的恋爱关系中的时候,有一些话还是不说为好.
Below, marriage therapists and other experts share 10 phrases and statements to strike from your vocabulary now.
下面,婚姻咨询师和其他专家给我们分享了要从我们的语库中划掉的10个短语和句子.
1. "You never do the dishes. You always just leave them sitting there."
"你从来都不洗碗,总是把它们扔在那就不管了."
The dishes are a placeholder for pretty much anything here. Whatever the issue, using accusatory blanket terms like "never" and "always" tends to end the same way every time: with you and your boo engaged in an overblown argument. Plus, there's a good chance your generalization is wrong, said Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in Takoma Park, Maryland.
来自马里兰州塔科马帕克的心理学家萨曼莎·罗德曼说,这里的碗碟可以用任何事物代替.无论是什么问题,只要用到"从来不"、"总是"等充满指责意味的概括性字眼,每次都会导致同样的结果：你和伴侣大吵一架.而且,你的概括很有可能是错误的.
"Nothing is black and white so telling a partner that she's never on time or he's always selfish can't be right," she told The Huffington Post. "These types of statements only lead to a prosecutor-defendant dynamic, which is not what you want in your marriage."
她对《赫芬顿邮报》说："没有什么事是非黑即白的,所以对伴侣说她从来没有准时过或他总是很自私,并不好.这些话只会导致你们不断来回指责和辩解,这并不是你在婚姻里想要的."
2. "You sound exactly like your mother."
"你和你妈说话一模一样."
When arguing, stick to the issue at hand and keep the focus on the two of you. Introducing nasty comparisons to your in-laws is unfair and ultimately a diversion from your problems, said Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a marriage and family therapist and the author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage.
婚姻与家庭咨询师、《幸福婚姻指南》的作者莎伦·吉尔克里斯特·奥尼尔说,吵架的时候,要专注于眼前问题,把焦点放在你们两个人身上.把对方父母牵扯进来进行比较的做法非常可恶,不公平,最终也偏离了你们本身的问题.
"Mentioning parents can easily become mean-spirited attacks that interfere with the couple's ability to address the underlying issues," she told HuffPost.
她对《赫芬顿邮报》说："提及父母就很有可能变成刻薄的攻击,影响双方解决眼前问题的能力."
3. "You think you're better than everyone else!"
"你是不是觉得自己很了不起！"
Never put words in your partner's mouth or in this case, thoughts in their head. There's no way of knowing what someone is feeling or thinking, so keep the assumptions to yourself, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist in Little Rock, Arkansas.
