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Grandmas balk at rocking the cradle

2014-04-02 09:15 Shanghai Daily Web Editor: Si Huan
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Grandmothers take their grandchildren to a neighborhood public square for a morning stroll in Shanghai. According to a recent survey, nearly half grandparents regard caring grandchildren a “duty” and are reluctant to do it. (Photo source: Shanghai Daily)

Grandmothers take their grandchildren to a neighborhood public square for a morning stroll in Shanghai. According to a recent survey, nearly half grandparents regard caring grandchildren a "duty" and are reluctant to do it. (Photo source: Shanghai Daily)

For many elderly Chinese, baby-sitting their grandchildren is expected, and it's traditional that they undertake a full-time, unpaid career as a nanny after retirement.

In the past, many seniors, both grandmothers and grandfathers, relished the prospect and the reality of caring for grandchildren; they felt useful and fulfilled and baby-sitting gave them something to do.

But today, more and more active seniors are balking at taking on childcare.

"Many older people are very concerned about the quality of retirement and they don't want to be bound to a baby," says 58-year-old Wan Wenxin, a retired primary school teacher.

She retired three years ago and had planned to travel to Europe, and learn calligraphy and ink-wash painting.

"But all my dreams were bubbles that burst when my granddaughter was born two years ago. Now I am a full-time baby-sitter," says Wan, who feels frustrated.

According to a recent survey released by National Children's Center Shanghai Branch, 48.1 grandparents regarded caring grandchildren a "duty" and felt reluctant to do it. It also showed that 23.7 percent of families queried relied on grandparents as baby-sitters in 2002, nearly 55 percent in 2010, and 73.4 percent in 2013. The center, attached to the Shanghai Women's Federation, covered eight city districts. The number of respondents was not disclosed.

"We also learned that more grandparents are not so willing to tend grandchildren," says Chen Caiyu, director of the center.

For many elderly, caring for infants, toddlers and children is usually more difficult and challenging than their previous work.

There's no vacation, but plenty of responsibility and high expectations by modern working parents who want stimulation and education for their children. It's no walk in the park or just rocking the cradle. Conflicts over child-rearing are not uncommon.

Some working parents drop their toddlers off with grandparents for the work week, and pick them up on weekends.

Wan is far from alone in feeling the pain of sacrifice.

But an increasing number of grandparents are saying "no." They value their golden years, they have more options and they have plans, whether seeing the world, attending concerts or just relaxing.

They are balking at a time when ever more free baby-sitters are needed by more and more working mothers who must earn a second income.

"Society is different now and people have more expectations about their retired lives. There are wider horizons and far more activities and entertainment," says psychologist Feng Yalan from East China Normal University.

Working hard and raising families are demanding — there's little leisure time — "so when they retire, many Chinese want to fulfill their dreams," she says.

It has been customary for grandparents to nurture the third generation to ease the burden of the second generation.

"Both my daughter and son-in-law often work overtime. They don't have much time and extra energy to care for my granddaughter," says retired schoolteacher Wan. "It's my turn to be a loving mother and grandmother."

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