When your screen freezes, you can feel it in the pit of your stomach. How can that document be gone? Just, gone? What sort of cruel, godless universe is this? Then comes anger as you engage in percussive maintenance, but the computer fates respond to your beatings by going completely black. Then bargaining, "I will redo the whole chart if you just come back. Don't take all the other data, you malicious slattern of an office appliance!" After you hold in the power button a few times, sorrow takes hold. Color fades from the world and you wonder if you should just end it all. But, you eventually come to a realization that something bigger than you is taking place, that there's nothing you can do because this is all part of the natural order of things—you're going to have to call for some tech support.
As anyone working in an office can attest, the most unpleasant part of the experience happens after the person meant to help you finally arrives—the person who invades your work space asking way too many questions and offering loads of unsolicited advice you neither agree with nor understand. At the end of all of the insults, waiting, and tutting, you may find yourself wanting to just quit your job and join the circus. So, here's a handy guide to prepare for your inevitable tech support situations.
When the person wearing a plain shirt, jeans, and sneakers with a numb, bored expression finally shows up, you cry for help:
My computer won't start!
Wǒ de diànnǎo kāibuliǎo jī le!
我的电脑开不了机了!
They, of course, have to ask you a few questions first. Be warned: during this process, your intelligence may be insulted and your pride will be hurt.
Is it plugged in?
Chāshàng diànyuán le ma?
插上电源了吗？
Is the monitor cord loose?
Shìbushì xiǎnshìqì de liánjiēxiàn sōng le?
是不是显示器的连接线松了？
No and no. Finally, the tech guy or gal reluctantly takes your seat. But if it was a simple problem, things would probably be over already. The tech guy, of course, will make sure you know how many other people have made the same mistake and exactly how he feels about it. So they whip up some magic and your computer seems resurrected, but with an unfamiliar interface consisting only of text and codes that might as well be written in Martian. They declare:
Your operating system is damaged and has to be re-installed.
Nǐ de cāozuò xìtǒng sǔnhuài le, xūyào chóngxīn ānzhuāng.
你的操作系统损坏了,需要重新安装.
