Stolen childhood(2)

He said his eldest son is still somewhat shy and withdrawn in his interactions with his other family members, but he was confident that their relationship was moving in the right direction. "Our relationship is improving. The barrier is receding."

Juggling two families

For Li and other families reunited with their abducted children, one of the challenges that must be negotiated is the relationship with the adoptive family.

Most families in China who have had their children abducted do not blame the families who end up buying their children. Rather, their ire is directed mostly at the child traffickers, an attitude that is reflected in China's criminal law.

While child trafficking carries a penalty up to the death sentence in China, buying children that have been illegally procured carries no criminal penalty at all, so long as the child has not suffered abuse under the family's care, and does not try to prevent the child from returning to their biological family.

Although Li said he was "furious" with the family who illegally bought his son from child traffickers, Li also acknowledged that they had raised him, and Li accepted that his son had fostered a close relationship with them.

Li did not raise any objections when his son said he wanted to visit the elderly couple who brought him up.

"His adoptive parents wouldn't let him set foot inside the house. They hurled insults at him," said Li, who explained that they felt his son had betrayed them in choosing to return to his biological family. "It really hurt him."

In many cases, children who are abducted and sold end up developing close relationships with the families who bought them.

Gong Zhantao, 23, met his biological family for the first time in May last year. He remembers being abducted as a 5-year-old, outside his rural school in Yunnan Province, while waiting for his older brother to walk him home from school. He was approached by a man, who told him he was a friend of his parents, and eventually sold to family in Fujian Province, who wanted a son.

Gong maintains a good relationship with his adoptive family.

"I have a vague childhood memory of being kidnapped, but I didn't know for sure what was going on," said Gong. "When I was around 10 years old, I started to have a strong desire to find out where I actually came from. But I never brought it up with the family I was living with, because I thought it would cause trouble for them."

When he turned 17, Gong moved to Sichuan Province, where he worked odd-jobs and started to take steps to find his biological parents. Last year, he finally managed to track them down, using a website that has been set up for reuniting abducted children with their biological parents, www.baobeihuijia.com.

Gong still hasn't told his adoptive family that he has met his biological parents, and has no intentions to.

"I don't want things to get complicated," he said. "I don't want my adoptive parents to think that I'll abandon them now that I've found my biological family," he said. Gong, who now runs his own shop selling bathroom equipment in Sichuan Province, stayed with his biological parents in Yunnan for nine days.

"They looked different from what I remember. I didn't really understand what they were saying, because they don't speak Putonghua," he said. "But I could feel their strong emotion. I was moved."

Gong's biological parents asked Gong to invite his adoptive family to visit, in order to thank them for raising their son. According to Gong, his biological parents even suggested that his adoptive family should move in with them.

Gong's biological parents now call him once every month. He said he has plans to perhaps move back to Yunnan to spend more time with them, but he also feels a sense of affection and duty towards his adoptive family.

The hard road home

Chu Zhaohui, an educationist with the National Institute of Education Sciences, said that it was often a difficult process for children who were abducted at a very young age and then reunited with their biological families many years later to adjust.

"Children tend to develop very close relationships with the people who are with them when they are little," he said. "For children who are reunited with their biological families when they're still younger than 14, it's easier for the biological family to find common ground again, by doing things together and communicating. But for older children, the road is harder and parents shouldn't have too high expectations about how close they can become."

Chu said that for older children, parents should let the children to decide which family they wish to stay with.

Despite the challenges ahead, Li is just happy to have his son back home.

"I'm trying to give him extra attention. I try to make sure he's looked after, and to give him money if he needs to buy anything," said Li. "I talk to him all the time. I want to let him know that we love him and I have high hopes for him."